"I hope kisses were enough today"

Homesick for Africa - who would've thought. As I was driving home from salt lake today in the back of my friends car, it reminded me so closely of a similar van ride back home to Accra in Ghana from an orphanage. It was the most emotional moments in Africa, and probably one of the most emotional moments in my life. I still think the same thought now as I did then, "I hope kisses were enough today", I couldn't take a child home with me, I couldn't fix their circumstances, I could only hope that the kisses I laid on their heads, hands and feet would be enough for their spirits for that day.

I'm copying my journal entry for that day word for word, and adding my pictures.

"July 30, 2009
We went back to the orphanage that we went to last week, the one in the volta region. We gathered a bunch of clothes and shoes to take to the orphans and then we were off. Our bus driver, Erin, was a bit more crazy then our previous driver Joseph and so the ride there and back made me more nauseus and motion sick then the first trip. It was still an amazing drive, with an amazing view. I couldn’t believe that I could honestly be in a more pretty place then I was right then. The views are just phenomenal, and I felt like at some moments I could have been looking out from a helicopter. We got to the orphanage and the children were so happy to see us again. They ran up to the van yelling, ‘you are welcome, you are welcome’ again, and I almost started crying. The kids recognized us right away and started giving us hugs and were all smiles. Carlie and Sara came with us this time, and the kids were excited to meet them too. They brought nail polish and started painting all their fingernails and toenails (even the sixteen year old boys had them done too). I was holding Kojo (the one being adopted by Tyler’s friend of a friend) and he is just so quiet, and so little for an almost three year old. He looks about 18 months to me size wise. We were sitting on the steps and Tyler and I were trying to get him to smile. It started raining, and then a stream of water right by me was pouring down from the tin roof. I started getting little handfuls of water and pouring them on his leg. He looked at it and looked at tyler and I and then a trace of a smile formed. We kept doing it and he smiled some : ) then I put some on my leg when he seemed to start to not be as happy about water on his leg, and he was so concerned and looked at me like why are you doing that? And then he wiped it away with his little hands. I feel like he has a broken spirit sometimes, you can just see the sadness in his eyes. When I saw him smile it made me happy, I was glad I was able to go, to hold him, to love him, and to make him smile. I hoped I was making a difference in their little lives. He was making a big one in mine. Next, the face paints came out and I ended up with both arms covered in drawings from four year olds, and on my legs. I was happy that I could provide a canvas for them. We gave them chalk and we went out to the pavilion and they were drawing all over the concrete, and they were just so polite and so happy to be drawing. After they had done a few drawings, they came back to us and handed us back the small piece of chalk saying, “I’m all done”. In america you would never see a kid willingly give back a piece of chalk or crayon and say I’m done, here you go, you know where the chalk goes, thanks for letting me use it for a minute. They didn’t try to hoard them or hide them. They were so willing to share. I held the little baby Luis for a long time, probably forty minutes until we left. I am not sure how old he is I would guess maybe nine months, but he is so tiny and looks so sick. Kojo, Luis and Ama are all being adopted to families in Utah. I held Luis for a long time, cuddled him, kissed his head many times, and let him grab on to my beads. One of my favorite girls Mabila got hurt and had a huge goose egg on her head, and I had Luis in one arm and Mabila in the other trying to comfort her and stop her tears. I could tell she was in a lot of pain, because usually the kids here do not cry. We were heading out pretty soon after that, and I was watching Tyler say goodbye to Kojo, telling him we had to go, but we will see him soon. Kojo shook his head and his eyes started tearing up and then so did mine. These two days at the orphanage have made such a big impact on me. Each personality, each child has made an imprint on my heart. I am so glad because I know that I will be able to see Kojo, Luis and Ama again in Utah. That by some miracle these families are adopting them, and I will be able to see them with their new families and new circumstances. I had a hard time leaving them still in the orphanage where I knew it would still be months until they could leave. I hope that I made a difference today. I hope that my kisses meant something to them. I hope the love I was trying to send out reached them. I hope that a small difference was made. I cannot believe how much these children made a difference in me and in my heart. I cannot believe I am in Africa, with these amazing happy children when I expected sadness in all of them. I hope the sadness in Kojo and Luis’ eyes will disappear soon. I hope that their spirits will be mended, and that they will be loved unconditionally. I hope they experience that. I hope they do well in life. I want and need them to.
The van ride home was so emotional. It was our last time teaching our kids at gray memorial this week. The last time teaching our HIV/AIDS program, trying to inspire change. This was our last time at the orphanage. The lasts in a long list of amazing experiences and challenges I have faced in the last 5 weeks. I cannot imagine a better trip, or a better country to do it in. It has been a dream come true. I tried to absorb and mentally remember every image that I saw out of the van window that drive home. I do not want to leave Ghana. I do not want to leave Africa. Here has been a place that I have only dreamed about, and now I am about to leave it. My experiences went to fast. I feel like a part of me has developed since I been here. A new part, that was never there before. I feel like I understand so much more. I love the African people, their culture and their contagious happiness. I was expecting a place of sadness, poverty and despair. I found a place in poverty, but in happiness and with a hope of eventually a changed world. I have seen some of the happiest people in the saddest circumstances. I hope kisses were enough today. Someday I will be back to take one home with me."