okay so this is post is very long overdue but thought i'd put it up cause ashlee said i was seriously slacking on my blog (which i am), soooooooooooo I'M ENGAGED!! in september (i know so long ago)andrew and i hiked squaw peak and when we were at the very top he proposed :) of course i said yes, and he put a beautiful (but fake) ring on my finger and we walked down the mountain engaged :) we picked out our rings a few days later and i am absolutely in love with my ring, pictures to come i promise.

"I hope kisses were enough today"

Homesick for Africa - who would've thought. As I was driving home from salt lake today in the back of my friends car, it reminded me so closely of a similar van ride back home to Accra in Ghana from an orphanage. It was the most emotional moments in Africa, and probably one of the most emotional moments in my life. I still think the same thought now as I did then, "I hope kisses were enough today", I couldn't take a child home with me, I couldn't fix their circumstances, I could only hope that the kisses I laid on their heads, hands and feet would be enough for their spirits for that day.

I'm copying my journal entry for that day word for word, and adding my pictures.

"July 30, 2009
We went back to the orphanage that we went to last week, the one in the volta region. We gathered a bunch of clothes and shoes to take to the orphans and then we were off. Our bus driver, Erin, was a bit more crazy then our previous driver Joseph and so the ride there and back made me more nauseus and motion sick then the first trip. It was still an amazing drive, with an amazing view. I couldn’t believe that I could honestly be in a more pretty place then I was right then. The views are just phenomenal, and I felt like at some moments I could have been looking out from a helicopter. We got to the orphanage and the children were so happy to see us again. They ran up to the van yelling, ‘you are welcome, you are welcome’ again, and I almost started crying. The kids recognized us right away and started giving us hugs and were all smiles. Carlie and Sara came with us this time, and the kids were excited to meet them too. They brought nail polish and started painting all their fingernails and toenails (even the sixteen year old boys had them done too). I was holding Kojo (the one being adopted by Tyler’s friend of a friend) and he is just so quiet, and so little for an almost three year old. He looks about 18 months to me size wise. We were sitting on the steps and Tyler and I were trying to get him to smile. It started raining, and then a stream of water right by me was pouring down from the tin roof. I started getting little handfuls of water and pouring them on his leg. He looked at it and looked at tyler and I and then a trace of a smile formed. We kept doing it and he smiled some : ) then I put some on my leg when he seemed to start to not be as happy about water on his leg, and he was so concerned and looked at me like why are you doing that? And then he wiped it away with his little hands. I feel like he has a broken spirit sometimes, you can just see the sadness in his eyes. When I saw him smile it made me happy, I was glad I was able to go, to hold him, to love him, and to make him smile. I hoped I was making a difference in their little lives. He was making a big one in mine. Next, the face paints came out and I ended up with both arms covered in drawings from four year olds, and on my legs. I was happy that I could provide a canvas for them. We gave them chalk and we went out to the pavilion and they were drawing all over the concrete, and they were just so polite and so happy to be drawing. After they had done a few drawings, they came back to us and handed us back the small piece of chalk saying, “I’m all done”. In america you would never see a kid willingly give back a piece of chalk or crayon and say I’m done, here you go, you know where the chalk goes, thanks for letting me use it for a minute. They didn’t try to hoard them or hide them. They were so willing to share. I held the little baby Luis for a long time, probably forty minutes until we left. I am not sure how old he is I would guess maybe nine months, but he is so tiny and looks so sick. Kojo, Luis and Ama are all being adopted to families in Utah. I held Luis for a long time, cuddled him, kissed his head many times, and let him grab on to my beads. One of my favorite girls Mabila got hurt and had a huge goose egg on her head, and I had Luis in one arm and Mabila in the other trying to comfort her and stop her tears. I could tell she was in a lot of pain, because usually the kids here do not cry. We were heading out pretty soon after that, and I was watching Tyler say goodbye to Kojo, telling him we had to go, but we will see him soon. Kojo shook his head and his eyes started tearing up and then so did mine. These two days at the orphanage have made such a big impact on me. Each personality, each child has made an imprint on my heart. I am so glad because I know that I will be able to see Kojo, Luis and Ama again in Utah. That by some miracle these families are adopting them, and I will be able to see them with their new families and new circumstances. I had a hard time leaving them still in the orphanage where I knew it would still be months until they could leave. I hope that I made a difference today. I hope that my kisses meant something to them. I hope the love I was trying to send out reached them. I hope that a small difference was made. I cannot believe how much these children made a difference in me and in my heart. I cannot believe I am in Africa, with these amazing happy children when I expected sadness in all of them. I hope the sadness in Kojo and Luis’ eyes will disappear soon. I hope that their spirits will be mended, and that they will be loved unconditionally. I hope they experience that. I hope they do well in life. I want and need them to.
The van ride home was so emotional. It was our last time teaching our kids at gray memorial this week. The last time teaching our HIV/AIDS program, trying to inspire change. This was our last time at the orphanage. The lasts in a long list of amazing experiences and challenges I have faced in the last 5 weeks. I cannot imagine a better trip, or a better country to do it in. It has been a dream come true. I tried to absorb and mentally remember every image that I saw out of the van window that drive home. I do not want to leave Ghana. I do not want to leave Africa. Here has been a place that I have only dreamed about, and now I am about to leave it. My experiences went to fast. I feel like a part of me has developed since I been here. A new part, that was never there before. I feel like I understand so much more. I love the African people, their culture and their contagious happiness. I was expecting a place of sadness, poverty and despair. I found a place in poverty, but in happiness and with a hope of eventually a changed world. I have seen some of the happiest people in the saddest circumstances. I hope kisses were enough today. Someday I will be back to take one home with me."

Some "Aha" Moments in Africa

A few years ago I had to do a research paper for my English 2020 class and we had to do it on something that we were interested in and something that related in some way to our major or what we wanted to do in life. I am a nursing student at UVU, and I decided to do it on a health related subject that I have always been interested in: HIV and AIDS. I thought a lot about the subject and I decided that I really wanted to research what was the best way to end HIV and AIDS globally. I researched different treatment options and research that was being done to cure AIDS, but ultimately my research led me to believe that the best and only way to end HIV/AIDS is through education. That was why I was so excited to learn about this study abroad to Ghana to teach HIV and AIDS prevention. This was exactly what my research led me to find out, and I was so excited that I was going to be able to follow up on something I believed in strongly and knew that what I was going to do is the ultimate answer in ending the HIV and AIDS pandemic.

In my research I found that there are many barriers in the African culture that would need to be overcome in order to educate the people. Many barriers deal with stigmas that are associated with AIDS, and myths that people still believe are true such as sleeping with a virgin will cure you if you have HIV/AIDS. But one of the biggest barriers I stumbled upon while during writing my paper was the inequality between men and women. In my research I read that men had the power, and the women were voiceless. I read how women would not get themselves tested due to the stigma that would be associated with them if they were positive. Many of the women would be thrown out of the house and not be able to get the job, so they believed it was better to just not know. The women could not insist on a condom for fear of risking accusations or abuse. These things horrified me, I had never heard of such inequality before and this out of anything I read in my research stuck out to me the most. yet, these things I read and researched about did not hit home until I got here to Ghana and actually experienced them first hand from the people that live here and deal with it on a daily basis.

We were teaching a women’s group in Manya Krobo our Overcoming HIV/AIDS program, and I think it was one of the most exciting, interesting and frustrating days we have had teaching the program. We were teaching the condom lesson to the girls, and one of the educators had brought a male and a female condom to demonstrate how to use each. The teacher of the girls asked us if she could use the female condom without the male knowing about it. I was so frustrated, and it was such a hard question for me to hear especially coming from their teacher, a person they look up to and are trying to learn from. We told the teacher, “no, part of the condom is on the outside of the body, it’s not hidden” and that sex should be consensual and partners should know each other and trust each enough and have talked about sex and the use of condoms before engaging in any sexual activities. She nodded, but I could see that she did not agree, or knew that was not a possibility for women to have a voice in the decision. I was teaching the lesson, with two other students, on how HIV/AIDS affect women specifically. We were asking them if it was okay if a boyfriend forced sex on a girlfriend, and almost immediately and shouting, the girl’s said, “NO!”. Then we asked the same question this time about husbands and wives, and they answered not as quickly or as enthusiastically, but they still replied no. But like the teacher, you could tell the girls were not convinced about their answer to us. We told them that men and women are equal, that they were just as important as the men in their community. The pastor who was translating asked us if we were talking about Africa or America. I was in shock that the pastor, who was helping promote HIV/AIDS prevention, still had such biased opinions. As we continued to reiterate that men and women are equal, the pastor said, “Men and women are equal only in sex”. No wonder there is such inequality when the leaders in the community advocate it.

The day teaching in Manya Krobo was such an eye-opening experience for me, and my experiences only grew the more we taught, and the more we talked to the Ghanaian people. We were teaching an older women’s church group and we were teaching our women lesson and asked them the same questions as we asked the girls at Manya Krobo. We asked if it was okay if a husband forced a wife into having sex, would it be considered rape? They boldly said, “No, it is not rape. When you are married you must please your husband”. We asked them if they could say no to their husbands, and they said they could except if they did they would be beaten. By saying you did not want to have sex was showing that you did not need it from him, and were getting it somewhere else. There was one younger woman in the group, and she said that if her husband were to force her or cheat on her, she would leave him and get a divorce. This night gave me a little hope that perhaps the younger generations were changing their mind even just a little.

We were talking to a taxi driver on our way home from the mall and he asked us what we were here for and we said we were teaching HIV and AIDS prevention. He immediately responded, “Yes! One lover!”. We were excited and said, “Yes one lover, do you have one lover?” and he replied, “No, I have two lovers, but I am faithful to both of them”. We asked him how that worked and he told us he had one wife and one girlfriend and that was it and that he loved them both. We asked him if it would be okay if his wife had a boyfriend and he replied, “No, it cannot be possible” and we asked him why not and he said, “Because in Africa, the men have all the power”. The inequality between men and women was becoming more apparent the longer we were in Ghana. The fact that the taxi driver was so open and willing to share his story and opinions showed me that this was not an uncommon story here.

My time here in Ghana showed me that the problem to solving the gender inequality was a lot bigger than my mind had imagined, and probably still bigger and more difficult that I am imagining now. When feeling at a loss after teaching our women’s lesson one night we were discussing the women inequality with our good friend Ama and we asked her what she thought would work to change the minds of the people, and to solve the gender inequality. She told us many interesting things but she told us we need to teach the young people, we need to continue educating the young because the older people are not going to change their mindset. She told us “just keep educating the young, just educate them”. I believe this is true we need to educate the younger generations that they are equal, that they are worth it, and they have a right to a voice in their lives and in their decisions. The stories I have heard and the experiences I have had here in Ghana are far more powerful than anything in any article I have ever read and I am so grateful that I was able to come and learn from the people of Ghana and hopefully make a little change that will inspire a bigger and better change for the future.

testicle festival

"home of the cowboy's sac lunch"
"if you've got the guts we've got the nuts"

the 2009 testicle festival in the middle of nowhere utah was a benefit for one of our kids on our unit. at the festival we had some rocky mountain oysters... (i am very glad they were battered and deep fried) and brenn hill sang (our kiddos dad). It was so amazing, and the very last song he sang was about his son, and i think we all almost lost it. There was about thirty people who work on our unit up there supporting briggs and to listen to brenn : ). we all had an amazing time and have a great story to tell lol

one of our secret spots

los angeles

rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens

this is one of my favorite things.

my dad bought me this type tray several years ago. this is what the old print presses used to keep all the letters in that they used. my dad and i (he has one too) have filled it up with things that are important to us, and things we've collected on our travels. i absolutely love it and it brings me so much joy to look through it. i took pictures of my favorite little squares.

These are sugar packets we got from a little hotel we were staying at in france

my chem concert ticket, bottle from the 1800s, little mystical dragon

midnight showing of twilight ticket, little camera - love of photography,

chief joseph stamp - i'm part nez perce indian

x96 big ass show ticket (where i saw all american rejects <3>

balloon man from mexico, money from the phillippines

alkaline trio concert ticket, an icon from the st. denise church in paris where they believe

christianity might have started there and where many famous kings and queens are buried

including marie antionette.

the little angel is from my friend alina from ukraine that she gave me as a going away present,

pinback concert in cali, my mama dixie's 'august' spoon - one of my favorite posessions

one of my mama dixie's horses, fossil from my dad, jack johnson concert ticket

courtney name plate from alaska, another one of my mama dixie's horses,

little salt and pepper shakers from mobile alabama

a nail from the union pacific railroad, seashell, vote for kennedy pin

little glass filled with watermelon erasers from my sister from japan, little colored nemo,

three stacked shells, coheed and cambria concert ticket (first concert i went to and i went with

my brother)

i have no idea where this little horse came from but i have memories of him

from when i was a very little girl. i love him.

little spring cleaning

ah! my life is so clean and organized - for the first time in i don't even know when. I decided to take the night off of homework and school and just get back to my normal. i cleaned up my stacks of paper which were scattered to at least four different parts of the house (i do not think my mom has appreciated this semester and the tornado that is has brought with it). my mom and i fixed the 3-whole punch that i broke LAST semester.. (nursing school=too many papers) and i punched my enormous stacks of paper and put them all away!! I gathered all my books - just as bad as the papers - and stacked them neatly in my room. I even washed all the linens on my bed (which hasn't happened in awhile i'll admit, i'm lucky to get clothes through the wash) cleaned my bathroom, and vaccummed. it felt so good, something i used to get accomplished once a week but hasn't for at least three months. I feel like i can get through the last 4 weeks of school (yay! almost over!). mmm i'm so excited to jump in my bed tonight - i love new sheets, and blankets and comforter!

sleepy

if i ever thought i was tired in my life i was wrong. i have never been so tired and stressed and just so done with school. today after work and before class - (which is where i am now, and not listening because my mind can't function) (this is embarrassing but true) i was in the bathroom and i just sat because i could. it was the only time today that i wasn't doing anything, or thinking of anything, or anything anything. i am so close to stop doing homework and work and just sit and do nothing. mmmmmmmm but i won't, a semester and a half left and i am all done :) and andrew and i are going to cali this weekend which is going to be badass - (might add to school/homework stress - but who is going to turn down cali???) mm so excited! but so tired!

<3

vday post dancing

this is a heart andrew gave me a while ago. i love it.

Valentine's day was amazing simply because i got to spend time with my bestest friend :) I loved every minute of this weekend and am so sad it ended and that andrew had to go back to logan. We went dancing with some close friends and had the time of our lives just letting go and having fun. We ended our vday weekend with cuddling on the couch. Best vday weekend ever. What more do you need?

<3